Throughout this pandemic I have been assisting people via online counselling which has allowed me to learn a great deal about what they are experiencing. As always, each person has aspects of their story that are unique to them, while also experiencing struggles that are very similar to others.
The fact that we are sharing in collective struggles makes a lot of sense to me – we are in a global pandemic, which means there will be global themes to our suffering. I would like to share what I have noticed about these struggles and what I suggest should you relate to them.
1) Many of us feel we should not be bothered by our difficulties or the circumstances of the world
The wise old saying is, “what you resist will persist”. I have found that many of us have an unrelenting inner voice telling us that we should be better, that we should be able to solve our difficulties on our own. I think some people are starting to mistake the idea of being resilient with shame-based inner dialogue that actually deflates our energy. That inner coach who might say, “just suck it up and deal with it”, is actually creating a resistance that could be keeping your anxiety present. If used chronically, “just suck it up” actually means “you are not allowed to talk about or feel your emotional truth”. Although we want to be resilient and strong, neglecting your real experience will only break you down.
My self-care suggestion: resilience is the choice to accept, be heard and find value in your real, truthful experience.
2) This pandemic has indefinitely put on hold or completely altered many peoples’ life goals, interests and dreams
I have a metaphor here: you were training your whole life to be good at running 100 m hurdle races. You learned how to train, you figured out good life routines to help you succeed and you started to enjoy the process of being a hurdles runner, through various ups and downs. You had a vision of what you look like as a happy hurdler. Then suddenly, you were told the hurdles were no longer available, but in their place 10-foot brick walls were built on the track, each one with a single hanging rope to help you get over. You realize that all those hurdling skills you devoted yourself to learning will now leave you jumping into brick walls. You stay positive and start training for brick wall climbing races. You adapt, but not by choice, so these brick walls don’t really feel the same as hurdles. Yes, eventually you are willing to talk about how much these brick walls have taken away from you and what you really think of them.
The lyrics of an old Rolling Stones song are “lose your dreams and you will lose your mind”. Many of us are experiencing perpetual anxiety and a lack of motivation right now because we are missing those old dreams. Our goals, interests and dreams – whatever they might be – are a source of energy that show us the meaning of our life. Is that voice inside saying “just suck it up” or are you finding ways to distract yourself from this loss?
My self-care suggestion: this is a time for self-exploration, with a knowledgeable guide, to help you look at how your goals, interests and dreams are being threatened and to be understood for the effect this is taking on you.
3) Many of us have knowledge of self-care, but we don’t put our knowledge into a regular practice
As both a counsellor and fitness coach, I can tell you that the path to health and well-being is not a secret. What is a “secret”, or more accurately, what people don’t want to talk about, is that our world is very much designed to instill unhealthy habits. One such habit, and main source of dis-ease in people, I have already mentioned above – the social norm of resisting or ignoring our emotional experience. In general, I find that people have knowledge about the following two aspects of health & well-being: a) meaningful physical exercise b) intimacy and social connections with others. But this third aspect, I feel we are detrimentally unknowledgeable about: c) authentic self-communication and reflection.
A key message for me here is that our well-being will be enhanced when we can actively decide to make these three aspects of health a consistent part of each day. And to reiterate, many people are still allowing themselves to be reliant on an endless stream of mis-leading, simplistic and shallow electronic media to occupy their minds. There is also a near complete blindness to participating in psychological growth and self-inquiry.
My self-care suggestion: seek out assistance from a knowledgeable guide to help set you down the path of integrating these three aspects of health and well-being.
Part of any meaningful personal growth is the courage to leave behind thought patterns and behaviours that we learned from the collective unconscious. In my work with people, I act as their guide in releasing what we have been thus far afraid to talk about, feel or experience. Self-care such as this, is vital during this time with COVID-19 present in our world. As many of my clients have learned first-hand, suffering, that at one time appeared to be insurmountable, can actually become the catalyst of needed change and personal growth.